kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
