is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
