Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
