I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
