i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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