it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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