I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
