you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize