Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
