So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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