oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
