my phone needs a breathalizer
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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