I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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