I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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