every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize