I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
