I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize