I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
