Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
