dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
