An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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