So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
