if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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