The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
