Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
