It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The beer is more important than you right now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
