getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
