I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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