Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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