Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
