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upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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