"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
