after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
