If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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