Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am one with the molecules
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