And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
