he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
