My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
