My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
