So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
