i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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