you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize