On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
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Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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