I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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