I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
