Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
