Im at strip club and am horny
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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