I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
