So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
