and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
