You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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