At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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