Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
