I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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