AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It was confusing and full of hummus
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
