Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
