im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
