I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
my poor anus
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
