we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
