I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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