i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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