Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
