dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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