Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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