My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize