Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
