on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
