The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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