My nipple is on Facebook.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
