I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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