Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
babies were throwing up all over the place
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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